Change of Scenery

Friends,

I have succesfully transitioned to the "other" country, still in the middle east, where our unit maintains a presence. I am in the que to take over the mighty Alpha Battery Assassins later this month, and will soon begin inventories and the full changeover process.

Living here is not necessarily worse, just different. There is no DOD provided WiFi, you have to buy it from a local carrier and then share bandwidth because it is expensive. You have to get dressed and walk 75 yards to the latrines to do whatever you gotta do. The food here has improved recently, but it still is not as abundant, readily accessable, or generally as good as the food where I came from. I have lost 2 lbs in about 6 days. The Air Force knows how to take care of it's people, and the Air Force don't run things here.

"Are you excited to be taking command?" In my opinion, any Officer worth their salt wants to be standing in front of troops, making decisions and affecting change. The more complicated the circumstances, the better. Staff work is a nice breather from time to time, but I am ready to get back on line with Soldiers. The Battery I am to command has the most complicated security and logistical situation in the entire AOR. Awesome. Due to where we live versus where we work, accountability and movement of people in general is a challenge. Awesome. The challenges abound, thus, so do the opportunities.

Professionally, I have some work to do. I am an Air and Missile defense tactician by trade, and due to the narrow scope of the jobs I have held, I have neglected to develop the other skills necessary to command a battery. I am weak in admin, supply, and maintenance, so I am focusing on getting more proficient in those areas prior to taking over. Fortunately, I have some subject matter experts in the area who are willing to square this young Captain away.

The immediate future is comprised of inventories, host nation meetings, and working out like a beast. Birthday is coming up, along with X-mas, and shortly thereafter, I become Assassin 6. The Air Force uses "1" as the commander designator, but the Army uses "6." This is why the wives are typically referred to Household 6. Army humor.

I hope everyone's holiday plans are coming together. Yes, it sucks being away from the family, but the Soldiers alway find a way to make the holidays exciting wherever they are.

Be in touch.

Regards

D

There and Back

Friends,

It's been about 48 hours since I landed back in the land we cannot mention. Jet-lag is kicking my ass, but I am forcing myself to get back on schedule...gym, eat, sleep....etc.

What an incredible R &R trip. Thanks to my wife and some really good planning, we were able to have a ton of fun and relax at the same time. We started off in Austin where we took a few days to get back in the swing of things. Hit the mall, ate some good food, and generally just loved the time with my beautiful girls. Any soldier can tell you, there is a huge change when you go from just worrying about yourself for so long, to now having to pack diaper bags, get kiddos dressed, warm up the car, etc. We linked up with Candi, our favorite photographer and great friend, for a fun family photo session in the hill country.

After a few days in Austin, Michelle and I packed up the kiddos and headed to Florida for 3 days at Disney World. Our great friends Sara and Jason hooked us up with a house and free entry into the park, which made the whole trip possible without going into immense credit card debt. Huge thanks to them! We had a beautiful house for the 5 days we were there. The great news was that between a baby, a toddler, and my bull-in-a-china-shop demeanor, we managed not to break anything at the house.

Having never been to Disney World, I was expecting huge lines and the never ending tune of "It's a small world" as we waged tourist combat against the throngs of heavily laden strollers and foreign people. Well, I stand corrected. In "the off season" of November, WDW is good to go. We literally didn't wait more than 15 minutes for any one attraction, even the more popular ones. In the three days we spent there we were able to see the Magic Kingdom, Epcot, and the Disney Hollywood Studios. It really is a fun place for all ages, and we would love to go back.

The highlight of the trip was our very first encounter on the very first day. The day before we left I was able to secure a reservation for "Breakfast in Cinderella's Castle." This was pure luck because according to the internet search returns, people typically make these 180 days out, if they are lucky. It seems someone cancelled and we scooped up the reservation. The food....okay. The Service.....okay. What you pay the absurd amount of money for is the face time with each of the main princesses. C could not have been more excited. Even daddy got a little overwhelmed seeing her so ecstatic to meet the princesses. Must have been allergies. Nothing says "sorry for leaving you for a year" like getting Cinderella and her friends to the breakfast table. Who's got two thumbs and feels like daddy of the year? This guy.

Shortly after returning to Austin, we washed clothes (and by "we" I mean Michelle), repacked, and it was off to SA to see Mom and Dad. He celebrated is 60th birthday the Saturday we were in Florida, but we missed it for good reason. My sister Kelly and her husband Brett flew in the weekend we were driving down for a surprise visit. We coordinated and met up prior to driving up to the house and surprised the hell out of Dad. Must have been some allergies there too.

The visit went great. Got to see Aunt M and Aunt Janice, Cousin Matt and his wife Rachel. We spent the morning Saturday down at the range putting some steel on target. It's a funny thing when you, while deployed, can't wait to go home so you can fire a weapon. Mostly thanks to Dad's patient teaching methods and cultivation of our abilities over the years, Kelly and I shoot like ninjas. Ninjas with guns. Even Brett, who is relatively new to the pistol shooting game, picked it up and we were shooting clay pigeons at 50 meters in no time. If you don't believe me, there is video. Dinner that night was a delicious meal at our favorite SA restaurant. Sunday was a tough goodbye, but we needed to get back to Austin.

The last few days together were mostly spent relaxing, packing, and trying to forget I had to leave again. Thanks to some clutch babysitting by Nana, I was able to take my lovely wife out on a date the night before I left. We ate at a nice restaurant called "Buenos Aires" near Bee Caves and 71, and saw a movie together. We had been together for nearly two weeks, but this was the first time we were able to sneak away from the kiddos and spend some quality, romantic time together on an honest to god "date." She looked amazing and I couldn't have felt more lucky to have her on my arm walking around the Galleria in the beautiful Austin fall weather. She really is incredible, and I am so happy she is mine.

The next day, I got back on a plane and flew back to awesome-town. Yes, it was hard. No, it was not easier because I have done it 3 times before. I take solace in the hope that neither Cadence or Kennedy will remember what this feels like. Michelle just gave me a high-five and rolled out, which was weird. Just kidding.

What's next? Well, I am slated to take the mighty Alpha Battery sometime in the near future. The will necessitate moving to the other country and abandoning my primarily tactical mindset for a more administrative and managerial one. Now that I have worked myself out of a job here, I can spend my time preparing for the coming challenges. Getting my Bio together, command philosophy, vision, and preparing counselings for my leaders once I arrive. The more I do now, the less hassle I will have once the inventories and change-over start in earnest. It is going to be an incredible journey, and I am humbled by the opportunity to command. Any retired officer will tell you that their most rewarding, and certainly most trying times where the 12-14 months spent in command of Soldiers. I am excited, and look forward to the challenge.

More to come, for sure. In the mean time, please refrain from sending packages as I am not sure where I will be in the coming weeks. Once a date is solid, I will be sure to spread the word. Thanks!

Warmest Regards,

D

What A Week

Friends,

I have been negligent in my updates, we have been crazy busy. The Army loves to plan shit in two specific months of the year, October and April. Mark my words, if you have significant life events in those two months, don't plan on being there for them. Without fail, the Army will have prolonged exercises and other things planned for you.

I will now lay out the events of the past week to demonstrate.

Friday: "Good news...PT test tomorrow if you want to take it." Shit. There are two things I hate in the world, terrorists and PT tests.

///RANT ON///

The Army assesses your physical fitness by how many pushups you can do in two minutes, situps in another two minutes, and then a two mile run as fast as you can. For my age group, passing is 40 pushups, 50 situps, and 16:36 on the run. Back in the day, this used to be an issue for me in the pushup department. So much so in fact that I had my scholarship revoked. But I got my shit together, passed, and got back on the wagon. After that though, it messes with your head "shit...what if I fail this one?" If you fail a PT test in the Army, it looks really really bad. If you are a leader and you fail a PT test, you look really really really bad. There is an unwritten code for officers wherein you are supposed to do well, or else soldiers don't respect you. News flash, I have had a mediocre PT test score since I got in the Army, and I have been okay in the soldier-officer relations department.

Allow me to digress. The Army places way too much emphasis on this arbitrary score. For enlisted especially, all things equal on paper, they will look at your PT score as a symbol of promotion potential, and the guy who did more pushups will win. I know ALOT of dim witted, wife-beating, 13 brain cell having soldiers who have been promoted above their peers (peers whom have shown much more prowess in Air Defense operations) just because they had a better PT score. When it's Field Marshall Walsh, that is going to change.

Granted, you have to be physically fit to be an effective soldier. My argument is that, in our analysis of leadership potential and overall effectiveness, physical prowess should be viewed amongst a slew of other traits.

///RANT OFF///

Oh well, I have been training hard and expected to do well. I execute my pre-PT test checklist. The night before is comprised of stretching, water drinking, a fresh haircut and an entire medium pizza. Part of the head game. Accordingly, the PT test starts at 0500, thus I am up at 0400.

SATURDAY: First thing, hot shower to loosen up the muscles, followed by stretching. Then the secret weapon, a combo of Black Powder and Jacked (legal supplements consisting of various chemicals to make you an animal during any workout...sold at your local GNC). Now it's game time. Initial briefing complete, it's time for the pushups. Traditionally my achilles heel, I knocked out 45 without even realizing it. Worked my way to 60 and called it good. Most ever.

After a short break it's sit-up time. This is the tricky part. I am good at sit-ups...love handles be damned, my abs are strong. Due to the speed you execute the sit-ups, you can screw yourself and use your hip flexors. This will help you do more, but if you smoke your legs prior to the run, you are done-ski. The trick? Alternate your foot position and mentally focus on using your abs if you can. Also, if you are the first one in line, that means you have the most recovery time prior to the run. I got 81...no problems because the max is 80.

Now, after having expended a good deal of energy on these two tasks, you have to run two miles as fast as you can. Anyone who "runs" will tell you have two miles sucks as an evaluated distance. One mile, sprint-able. Three miles is close to a 5k, a well known distance and pace. For some reason, the Army decided the middle was the best route. I am not a "runner" by any means. Long legs do not necessarily equal fast runner when you have tight hamstrings. I have run a 14:00 and I have barely passed with a 16:34, so it's a crap shoot. Humidity, general disposition, dow jones average...all these things need to be right to run fast. I managed a 14:52, which is fine for me, but I will get faster. When it was said and done, I scored a 262 out of a possible 300. Highest ever for this guy, and a respectable score as an officer. Next time I will do even better.

That afternoon, the next echelon evaluation team comes to town to evaluate my guys on Air Defense Operations. This is a quarterly evaluation, and if you don't pass, you look stupid (sound familiar?) My guys did really well, and considering the future for this guy, it was probably my last evaluation ever. Sweet.

After getting some rest on Sunday, I find out some interesting news. I am in line for command. In the coming months I will take charge of one of our units in the other country, the same one currently commanded by a great friend and colleague. There will be more blogs to follow on this, but for now the wheels are in motion for me to leave the current location and take command in another. For the high command to consider me for the job, having not been to Captains Career Course, is an honor. Like I said, more to follow.

I also found out that night that I would be flying to the other country where we have a presence for a few meetings and to check out the footprint I will take over in the coming months. Can't be specific, but I got some face time with some important people, some great friends I hadn't seen since we deployed, and some mentorship. Total time on ground was about 30 hours, but we managed to get a lot done.

During my time over there, Michelle had the unique pleasure of dealing with our small courts claim against our previous landlord. Again, I will be concise and vague for legal reasons. We felt they retained our security deposit for bogus reasons, so we filed against them. They tried to strong arm us with a counter-suit, but we didn't back down. Too many troops have been screwed in Lawton, and we decided the possibility of losing some money to prove a point was worth it. So to court she went, but that day both sides decided to settle out of court. We didn't get it all back, but they showed that their counter claim was an ineffective, feeble attempt at scaring us away. My wife is an incredibly brave, articulate and courageous woman, and I am so proud of her for seeing that ordeal through to the end. I married well.

Let's wrap it up. In 4 days I....Took and did well on a PT test, crushed an Operational Readiness Evaluation, began preparing to take command of a deployed PATRIOT battery, flew to another country for some big cheese meetings and dinners, and flew back. What I didn't mention is that we started a huge Joint / Combined exercise here at home base. No details, but it is a big, time consuming monster.

Good news is we are setting the conditions for me to move out of my current job and prepare for my new one. We have control of the timeline and are determined to do it efficiently and properly.

Even better news is that I take block leave in the coming weeks. I cannot wait to see the girls and the family. We have a good time planned and paid for, now it's time to enjoy. Not going to put dates and times on here for obvious reasons, but its getting real close. Just in time.

Sorry gang, I know that was a lot. But that was just the past 4-5 days...

Best,

D

The Haircut

Friends,

Instead of writing about how we are 2 months in, and everything is rolling, and stress is through the roof, and damn it's hot.....I figured I could write, in detail, about a unique experience here known has "The Haircut."

Let me begin by trying to explain how much I love getting my hair cut. Holy god do I love getting my hair cut. The love affair began with The Wooten Barber Shop in Austin, Texas shortly after I arrived at U.T. Now, I had gotten some good haircuts in San Antonio, but Super Clips, Master Cuts, Super Cuts, Pro-Super-Master Cuts should all be sued for false advertising, because relative to The Wooten, they aren't Masters, Pros, or Super in any way regarding the realm of mens hair and styling. The Wooten is a Man's barber shop (capitalized to express the relativity to men as a whole). There is always a bootleg DVD playing on a big screen TV, the same three guys are there to man their battle stations every single day, and the haircuts are always spot on. As a bonus, they take a straight blade old school razor to the back of your neck and clean up the ends very nicely. Lastly, they take what can only be described as a palm sander, and run that badboy all over your head and shoulders. Amazing. What's that? $15 bones for that kind of treatment, you got it Kimosabe.

Now allow me to juxtapose that experience with what you get here. (Yes, I know I am "deployed" and some guys are having to shave each other's heads with the deftly sharpened bones of the newly dead Taliban in Afghanistan while manning fighting positions and scared for their lives....but it makes for a good story)

First of all, the haircut is only $5.25 (American). That's good, because if I had to pay any more for these butchers to execute their craft, I might get upset. Now, perhaps it is my bad for wanting to maintain some semblance of "looking normal" while deployed, but I refuse to submit to the "dude...just shave it off...." club. Also, I refuse to adopt a "high and tight" because that makes me look like an Army Guy. If we venture into the city again in our khakis and polos, at least we can try and look like tourists instead of blatantly looking like US military. Shane Mercer, CPT, US Army said it best: "Look...throughout history the great generals of the world have managed to command armies of over 100,000 men in some of the harshest conditions imaginable....all while sporting long hair, side burns, and most notably, long glorious beards." For now I choose to meet the standard, while still trying to look like a normal human being. When I make the rank of Field Marshall, just for Shane, I'm bringing back sideburns.

The Barbers. Pardon my ignorance on the matter, but these dudes seem to be from Pakistan, with a couple from the Philippines. The country in which I currently reside thrives on labor from these countries, so why should the barber posse not be from those countries? Allow me to stereotype. These guys all sport bushy mustaches, longish hair, have pot bellies, and have the stumpiest little hands you will ever encounter on a man. For the most part they are friendly and listen to what you want. After being seated and proclaiming "Skin on the sides...medium fade....5 on top...please.." they will typically speak whatever it is they speak to their barber neighbor who will then retort with a smirk and a smile. As if to say "Stupid American....real men have longish hair and mustaches..." Newsflash Mustafa: Despite the obvious truth in that statement, I cannot rock either of these desired hair situations due to my job. Maybe one day....

In short order, they will execute, more or less, your desired specifications with the end result being acceptable in a job where you wear a hat most of the time. For me, I have to get in front of people, sometimes important ones, and speak decisively about my craft. To do that with some sense of credibility, I have to not look like a jackass. Thus, a few times I have had to politely ask these gents to "finish cutting my hair," or "maybe actually fade it on the sides."

The end is the best part. They must have googled "best haircut in the world" and gotten numerous hits on The Wooten and how they do business, because they employ a massage like tactic that is really why I wanted to write this blog. First they take their stumpy little hands and rub your shoulders. Normally, I am all about little dudes from Pakistan rubbing my shoulders, but there is something unnerving about their hands being so close to my neck. After they warm you up, depending on the barber, they may execute the "neck-pop almost break your neck move." You don't even really know what's about to happen until they do it, and they have yet to break my neck, but I know, and you know, that if they employ one more bit of strength to that ninja move, I'm a goner. One of the barbers has a signature move that also makes me nervous. He takes his stumpy hands, cups them over my eyes, and squeezes my eyebrows together with each of his hands. Imagine your loved one running up behind you and cupping your eyes just before they yell "surprise!" as you look at a brand new car, couch, pet, what-have-you. Now imagine that, instead of seeing anything at all, they just start mashing your eyebrows towards each other until the collective skin around your head begins to beg for mercy. It's kinda like that.

Their finishing move is worthy of it's own paragraph. They take their hands, bring them every so slightly together, and commence to karate chop your head. I am a big guy, and I am literally pushed out of my seat every time. The only element of this assault that gives it points in the humorous category is the sound it makes. The thud of them impacting your skull is immediately followed by a "quack." Yeah, as in, the noise a duck makes. So there I am, getting my head pounded in, while barber-man smiles a little bit on the inside as he makes duck noises on the head of the American to whom he has given an "0-k" haircut. It's like a double whammy for him. Barber-man 2, Derek 0.

Just another interesting aspect of life in "UNDLSWA." Pronounced "un-del-swa," it stands for Undisclosed Location in South West Asia because that is the term we have to use for our location. The troops, ever so vigilant with operational security, have begun using this as the title for their picture albums on facebook. It sounds funnier if you say it with a German accent.

As always, thanks for indulging me in my writing endeavors. Any and all commentary is encouraged and welcome. Good night.

-DW

Dad Was Right

All,

As promised, here is a reasonably amusing story for your reading pleasure.

Today we took a field trip into "the city" for some things related to our business (anything further than this would reveal things that I can't reveal). In multiple vehicles we set out, with me riding shotgun in the lead truck and our civilian translator driving, presumably because she is the driver most familiar with the layout of "the city."

SIDENOTE: My father, long ago, said that "Son...women drive and give directions based on landmarks and memory. This method often leads to driving for extended periods of time wherein you will find yourself wondering "where the #$*K am I?" Men, real men, use the age old method of "map reading." Look at the map, figure out the most direct way to get there in the fastest time, and execute. Whether you are Nick Cage trying to find the Declaration of Independence, or grandparents in a new town trying to find a wedding...you need a map." (I may have embellished a bit, but you get the idea).

No shit, there we were, driving around a city for 4 hours trying to find a destination that should have taken 30 minutes, tops. I was equipped with the latest google maps had to offer, and I took tactical control of the extremely capable GPS system located in the console of the SUV. I don't know a damn thing about the layout of that city, but throughout most of the trip, I knew we were going the wrong way. "No no...this is the way...I know this...." Look lady, THIS is what I know, you are going the wrong way.

SIDENOTE: Though extremely inefficient, it seemed to her to be the most expedient method to return to a point of known origin prior to attempting another daring thunder run to find the destination. To put it in mall terms; We tried to find American Eagle a number of times, but each time we couldn't find it, so we returned to the food court, got our bearings, and set out again. This is the antithesis of efficient.

Though this process was cumbersome, some good came of our frustrating endeavors. In the world, there are only 2 vending machines that dispense gold. That's right, I said gold. Put money in this machine, and out comes gold of various weight. The smallest amount you can purchase is 5 grams. At the current price of $1219, and with a troy ounce measuring 31 grams, that equates to just over $205. One of them is in the country where I am located, at the building I visited today. Google hard enough and my OPSEC is blown, but oh well. Pretty cool. I didn't buy any, but I would like to.

Cool as that was, it wasn't even remotely the place we needed to go, so we set out again to find the final destination, and subsequently our lunch location. By this time it had been close to 6 hours since I ate breakfast, and I was hungry. Stomach be damned, we did the exact same drill again trying to find the destination. It should have taken 20 minutes, but it took 3 hours. Unbelievable. We eventually made it, did what we had to do, and got some grub. Good grub. (baby, there will probably be a hit on the debit card for a little $$...I promise I didn't buy any gold...just had some lunch in one of the most expensive cities in the world.)

Anyways, the moral of the story is, if you ignore directions and drive around cities long enough, and sweet talk your way past perimeter security, and convince the unsuspecting valet that you are a big spender from Russia, then you will find gold!

Regards,

D

P.S. My wife is a wonderful driver and is excellent with directions.

Month-ish.

Friends and Family,

Well here we are. The outgoing unit is gone and we have the mission. We are currently operating at our prescribed battle rhythm, and generally sweating our collective asses off. Everyone says "you cannot comprehend how hot it is...its like opening an oven and walking in..." No kidding, that's what it feels like some days. What is surprising for me is the humidity. I spent a summer in Kentucky and didn't think it could get worse than 110% humidity. Well, just make it 95 degrees outside and friend, it is worse. I cannot comprehend how the boys in Iraq are running missions and getting into firefights in this weather.

I am still the FDS OIC, and a shift Tactical Director (every 3rd day I pull a 24 hour shift, preceded by an 8 hour day), but now I have definitely taken on the lead evaluator position for my location (a bunch of protracted evaluations per month) and was recently appointed the S-2 (intelligence and security) officer for my location. It is my job to know the threat in-and-out anyways, so basically when we have to brief people or perform threat analysis, I'm the guy. Fortunately, this all sounds worse than it is, and I am a great manager of time. I can't be specific with schedules on here, but I work a bunch, then I go to the gym, then I sleep. That's pretty much it.

Perhaps it is better that I am so busy and constantly thinking of the next step, because otherwise I'm sure my thoughts would be occupied with how much I miss my sweet girls. Kennedy is growing every day, and Cadence is figuring her little world out more and more. I am so pleased that they have such a positive environment for their bodies and minds to grow. This job allows me to see how other walks of life choose to raise their children, and lets just say Michelle and I have made some great choices and been supported by some wonderful family and friends.

The girls successfully made the move from Lawton back to Austin for the duration of my deployment. They are no doubt missing our great friends in Lawton, but we felt that Austin was the best option for the family. Thanks to Mike and Susan for opening up their home (again)! That move was a beast and my savvy wife managed to make it as seamless as possible. Thanks to all who pitched in money, time, or sweat!

Speaking of sweat, I have lost 12 pounds since hitting ground about a month ago, presuming I was around 240. 229 is my "tape-weight," meaning the army has deemed that the weight that, once over, I must "tape" and calculate body fat. If found to be over your allocated body fat percentage, then you are in trouble. The best way to deal with this is to just weight less than your threshold. 228 at the moment, and I am going to get more lean. Then I am going to get huge like my brother in law.

Last, most of the high-ranking movers and shakers on the AF side of the house are new and have no idea what PATRIOT does and doesn't do. I have been fortunate to be able to brief them a number of times, attach myself during exercises, and generally partake in their decision making processes. This is important on a number of levels, but most of all I really like educating folks who think all we do is accidentally shoot down aircraft.

Wish I had something funny to report. Rest assured, when something funny happens, you will know. Thanks for taking the time to read this. Back to my shift.

Regards,

Derek

One Week In

Friends,

Well...we're here. I cannot say where "Here" is, because since we got "here" the ramifications for saying where "here" is have become more....aggressive. I can say that I successfully arrived in "Southwest Asia" in support of operations in the area. This secrecy is not really derived from US authorities, but rather the host nation. Because if certain other nations found out that the host nation had us, that certain other nation would be upset. There.

We are knee-deep in the "RIP-TOA" process. Where we sign for the outgoing unit's stuff, adopt or change their procedures to fit our SOPs, and generally try to coexist while sharing living facilities, dining halls, and gyms. So far so good, but we are getting more adamant about wanting to take the mission over. We did a good job preparing our guys for the intricacies of this theater and that knowledge, combined with the ground truth given to us by the tacticians from the outgoing unit, has made us more than ready. We are nearly complete in our validations for all crews and look to take the helm soon. In fact, due to geography, I will be the certifying authority for crews here at my location. This means numerous times a month, in the midst of pulling my shifts in the ICC, I get to go to the line units and validate their readiness with and Operational Readiness Exercise.

Alot of my gripes from the Korea blogs were centered around how PATRIOT does certifications and treats the engagement control crews. It is now time for me to take the seat of the guy doing the certifications and execute with some common sense. I will train and grade to standard, but I will absolutely not lock crews down because they forgot to initial some piece of paperwork. Because locked down crews mean crews who can't communicate back to the rear to their families, and especially at this point in time, that is extremely important to me. We are trained at this point, we simply need to keep the edge sharp.

With spotty internet, I don't get to web-cam back home as often as I would like, but I have been able to talk to the girls both on web-cam and on the phone. Words cannot begin to describe how much I miss them, but this is the job for now. God bless them for understanding.

I have been getting alot of care package questions, so here's the scoop: I am cutting weight, so please no candy. It is sweet to send, and I can always share the wealth, but the following list is stuff I specifically would really like to get re-supplied:

Derek F. Walsh

HHB 3-2 ADA BN

APO AE 09853

Clearly, no booze or even remotely suggestive magazines or I might get in a spot of trouble.

Natural peanut butter

Beef Jerky

GNC "Sport" Men's multivitamin

Mouthwash

Kashi TLC bars

Thank you all for your love and support. The packages are lovely and are super appreciated, but the bottom line is that we are well taken care of where I am located. For the price of buying all of that stuff, boxing it up, and sending it, you could meet up with my precious girls and buy them some ice cream or lunch. My job is tough, but Michelle is doing the unbelievable. If you want to make sure I am in good spirits, then send some love their way, because knowing they are taken care of allows me to do my job here.

Thanks everyone!

Warmest Regards,

Derek

The Lawton Dining Experience:

Preface: The following rant will probably involve some cussing, as well as a generally negative review of the Lawton dining experience as a whole. I will try and use some SAT words to keep me from making this too R-rated.

It seems no matter where you dine in this town, you can expect service that is ignorant and apathetic at best, annoyingly disrespectful at worst. Some of the smaller, immigrant-run joints still have a good attitude and some semblance of a work ethic, but the chain restaurants especially are terrible. The servers seem to all have a collectively understood sense of unconditional mediocrity, which is splendidly combined with a complete lack of motivation or willingness to make your dining experience anything other than a dismal failure. I got it, working in the food industry is tough, but your sole vocational purpose is to create an enjoyable atmosphere wherein people can escape the drudgery of Wednesday night meatloaf and "Go out to eat." This seemingly carefree endeavor is immediately curtailed when the team of winners serving, hosting, and preparing your food are too absorbed in wondering where their next fix is coming from to actually do their job.

Both Michelle and I are well seasoned ex-restaurant food service warriors, having served meritoriously from the rank of dish washer, all the way to manager. As the colloquialism goes, we have "room to talk."

At risk committing some sort of libel, I will refer to the restaurant as Shmed Shmobster.

The following takes place between the hours of 6PM and 7 PM.

Jeff, our roommate for the time being, at least until his plane and the rest of ADVON leave our country for somewhere slightly more sandy, celebrated his 25th birthday this Sunday. Given the limited choice of restaurants open on Sunday in Lawton, we decided to head to Shmed Shmobster. Not my particular favorite, but it had been a good 8 years since my last visit, so I figured we could give it a try.

Our first clue that this trip would be a disaster was the initial table choice our 14 year old hostess decided upon. Two dudes, clearly not related, pregnant wife, and a two year old in a booth? Try again Taylor Swift. Table please.

Once seated, our illustrious waiter, sporting what can only be construed as a "chin-strap" of facial hair, approached our table and asks "Gonna have a {sic} appetizer, yeah?" Listen fuckstick. First of all, normal people extend some sort of innocuous greeting upon initially meeting someone for the first time, even in this setting. I know the 4 other tables in this place probably have you and the 6 other waiters all flustered, but get it together. After hearing my eyes give him the "What the fuck did you just say?" look, he immediately dove into the seasonal specials. "We have uh....grilled fish....its really good.....um....some of the drinks are new....and uh.....there is some other stuff too." Congratulations retard, you managed to conclude through your weeks of training and certification that Shmed Shmobster has fish. Winner Winner, grilled trout dinner.

The initial greeting catastrophe complete, we order our drinks and C's typical chicken finger basket. We also agree upon some lobster nachos after the initial stun of this winner. This decision will turn out to be regrettable.

Soon the kiddo's fried chicken arrived, and as per SOP, the wife begins to cut it up into delicious bit size morsels for the munchkin. While high speed is setting down the culinary abomination known as Lobster Nachos, the following dialogue took place:

Wife: "Sorry, I don't think this chicken is cooked all the way through..."

Winner McWinnerstein: "Oh, well, do you want me to take it back?"

No, idiot. With any luck the 40 watt bulb hanging above our heads will cook this chicken to a 160 internal sometime before the mayan apocalypse in 2012.

Wife: "Please do. Thanks!"

At this point he must have told his manager because shortly thereafter she approached our table and apologized for this egregious error and assured us that Shmed Shmobster doesn't run in such a terrible manner. She promised us that the child's meal would be removed from the bill.

SIDE NOTE: Michelle and I hardly ever complain in restaurants, and when we do we hardly ever accept free shit because we just want the restaurant to run more smoothly. This time however, we took the free food.

At this point, we finally partake in the nachos. This must be the recipe:

1. Create the worst tasting cheese sauce you can conjure up, pour on plate.

2. Take 1/4 ounce of lobster, sprinkle on plate.

3. Take remaining half gallon of sour cream in fridge, place in middle of plate.

4. Generously place 3-6 chips around edge of bowl.

5. Leave under heat lamp until sour cream is at an unpleasant temperature.

6. Serve.

Each of us decided to deal with this heap of awesomeness in our own little way. A chip here, a nibble of lobster there. The plate was left mostly undisturbed because just as we were contemplating sending it back, our entrees arrived along with C's redone chicken. We gave each other the "No salad first eh? Oh well...these guys have had a tough time...we'll let it slide"

look. Turns out fate was not on the side of our waiter, who apparently has the situational awareness of a lawn chair, because just as the manager returned to our table to check on the entrees, Winner McWinnerstein rolls up with, you guessed it, a tray full of salads.

Manager: "Oh...diiiid you order your salads for after your entree?"

Yes, we did...we love nothing more than a delicious medley of vegetables and sauce after a meal mostly consisting of fried seafood. This is America, we eat our salads first.

McWinnerstein: "Oh....nope....sorry.....I was uh....busy getting the chicken redone..."

Right fuckstick. Absolutely irate after seeing this raw chicken almost poison my two year old, you decided to take justice into your own hands and take the kitchen staff to task. You educated them, ala Alton Brown, on the intricacies of temperature and thoroughness, and you took them through the complicated process of deep frying to ensure that such an error would never happen again. More likely, you were back there complaining to your waiter friends that my table was being a giant pain in the ass, and you can't wait to get home to light one up and play some Madden '10.

The manager then stormed off to review our bill, clearly trying to decide her next tactic at somehow recovering this table and single handedly convincing us to return to this bastion of seafood extravagance. Little did she know, that the war was lost. After eating our entrees, followed by our salads, we simply just reviewed how terrible the meal had been an even catalogued it on our phones for future use in writing a blog.

We got a dessert. On the house. It was cheesecake for birthday boy Jeff.

Lastly, to Winner McWinnerstein and the rest of the stupendous staff at Shmed Shmobster, thank you for maintaining the status quo and convincing my family and I that all hope is lost for food service in Lawton, OK.

Certainly the Most Warmest Regards,

D

Memorial Day

Friends and Family,

Today am I writing from the comfort of my couch at our home in Lawton, OK. Warm cup of coffee in hand, I am watching my beautiful little girl run around the house in an over sized Toy Story T-shirt, big girl underpants, and flip flops. She has just had her morning round of chocolate milk and will soon want dry cereal in a "big-girl" bowl. She will take the better part of 45 minutes to eat this. Michelle is trying to get back to sleep after baby girl woke her up a while ago, and Lexi is lounging about as always. This is all routine, and I love it.

According to CNN, approximately 6486 Soldiers, Sailors, Marines or Airmen have lost their lives in combat operations in either Iraq, Afghanistan, or operations supporting these fronts. Unfortunately, they will never return to the families they loved and adored.

http://www.cnn.com/SPECIALS/war.casualties/index.html.

Their interactive map shows their hometown and where they perished. While this number is substantially lower than the tally from previous conflicts, it's important to remember that every one of these little dots on the map represent a person who is going to miss out on all of those instances that make life great. Whether your politics support the wars in either location, it is reasonable to ask that, as humans, you can think about these dots, as humans, and give them a moment of consideration. If you can't get past the politics, then dig deeper. Most Americans are connected in some way to a relative that participated and possibly perished in WWII, Korea, Vietnam, or any of the smaller conflicts in recent history. Take the time to think of them this Memorial Day. Some Grandpa or Uncle in some town I have never heard of is part of the reason we are not grilling steaks in German this weekend.

The following link is for a video made for the song "The War was in Color" by Carbon Leaf. Great song and video that really brings things into perspective. Fair warning, I haven't actually made it through the whole thing. Damn allergies.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pf29IIQuqYk

Cadence is now in sneakers, wearing sunglasses, hair is a mess, and is still working on that cereal.

Have a great Memorial Day!

Warmest Regards,

Derek

PDSS

Ladies and Gents,

I write to you sitting in the Dublin International Airport, Gate 313, awaiting my flight to Chicago. I just got off a plane from __ ____, where I participated in a all expenses paid recon of my new home for the next year. I can't tell you where, but there is a Youtube video some Air Force guys made that was a hit on youtube a while back. "This is why I'm hot." A remarkably accurate depiction.

Before the Army sends folks abroad, they typically afford them a Pre-Deployment Site Survey, or PDSS. The purpose is to check out the new AO, get a face to face with the outgoing unit, and coordinate services for your arrival. I was selected to go on this particular trip to assess the current defense design and take a look at how they conduct Air and Missile Defense Operations. Depending on the unit you are replacing, this can be a friction-filled bonanza of criticism and pain, or it can be a relaxed and efficient affair where you come back truly understanding the operational picture. Fortunately for us, it was the latter. The outgoing unit was very gracious and took care of us every step of the way.

So what did I learn? I have to be somewhat vague, but we are essentially a little slice of Army dudes on an Air Force compound, within a larger host nation compound, on a host nation Air Force base. For good reason, security is taken very seriously and they pull no punches (like in Korea). Our living conditions are going to resemble that of a college freshman. 2-3 troops to a room with a latrine and shower facility down the hall. The chow hall is amazing. Great variety and no rules. It's the Vietnam of DFACs. Can I snatch up a gatorade to go? Sure thing, take a delicious snickers bar with you as well. More exciting for me, there is always grilled, cubed chicken on the salad bar. Fitness facilities? I'm glad you asked. There is a cardio gym and a weight gym with equipment on par with what you find in the states. I was particularly elated to find kettlebells. The FDS motto for the trip is getting "Jacked, and Tan." There is a large swimming pool open 24 hours a day (just like everything else). Basketball courts, a soccer field, barber shop, a little PX, and even a nightly "bar" that is manned by the airmen called the "Thirsty Camel." These are found throughout the middle east on Air Bases and are a great place to actually have a beer and chill out after a long shift. We are allowed 2 beers a day in country.

All in all, a great trip that helped us understand the requirements and conditions on ground that will allow us to prepare our troops for the year ahead.

That's all for now, time to board.

Best,

D

All,

After reviewing some of my Korea blogs, I realized I had neglected to post the explanation for the title of this edition.

"Blazing Skies" is a term used in Air Defense to begin an Operational Readiness Evaluation. Imagine a PATRIOT site in a relatively degraded state of alert. Launchers and radars off, crews at minimum manning, maybe someone on the radio. Next thing you know, the evaluator hit team comes screaming up to the site in a .gov vehicle and announcing "Blazing Skies!" (typically followed with an expletive in the plural).

At this point it's game on. Imagine a firehouse that just got a call, or a bunch of SWAT guys at dinner with their pagers going off at the same time. A flurry of activity ensues to bring the site to the specified state of alert. The actual amount of time we have is classified, but the end-state is a hot radar, hot launchers with hot missiles, and a fully manned site all pointed in the right direction, ready for war. In the purest sense of the concept, this is what we do.

As opposed to the Air Battle training side, this is the no-shit operational part that the crews must master to be proficient at their jobs. A monkey can be trained to do some of the tasks to complete an air battle, but it takes a truly proficient officer with a great breadth and depth of knowledge of his/her weapons system to truly understand what is happening during an ORE. Stuff breaks, crews forget to turn something on, radios take a dump. All of these things have to be dealt with in a decisive, calm manner because when its finally time to run the drill at 3 in the morning because we are going to war, you have to be able to figure it out.

3 paragraphs later, thats why the title is "Blazing Skies."

-D

Friends....Countrymen....

It's that time again...

The blog I maintained while in Korea was a great tool to document my exploits and adventures while keeping family and friends up to date. I have decided to start a new one because "RiceNrockets" is no longer fitting....

In the comings months I will find myself yet again forward deployed, manning the ramparts of America's primary vehicle of tactical ballistic missile defense. However, this time we will be monitoring the skies of the Middle East, not Korea. The exact country is classified information, held at the Secret level, so I can't say where I am going. I can say that it is NOT Iraq or Afghanistan, but in the neighborhood. Recently General Petraeus acknowledged a buildup of missile defenses in a few countries in that area.....

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/01/31/world/middleeast/31missile.html

Our original timeline had 3-2 deploying in late 2010, but it was accelerated for a number of reasons. All of which have to do with our people doing their jobs extremely well.

"So Derek.....what exactly do you DO?"

My current position is Fire Direction Section Officer in Charge (FDS OIC). I am a Tactical Director in the ICC during deployed operations, but I also direct the Air and Missile Defense training for all of the fire unit crews. In Korea I did this at the Battery level, and now I am in charge of training for all of the crews in the battalion. I am responsible for a small section of soldiers who will pull shift work in country in the ICC, functioning as the primary interface between the fire units and the Army personnel located with the Air Force bubbas. Another piece of my job is conducting briefings for all kinds of VIPs. My counterpart in the unit we are replacing has done over 30 briefings in less than a year. Host nation Generals, our Generals, various civilian VIPs, embassy officials...all kinds of people. Since I love getting up in front of folks and briefing, I am looking forward to this portion of my job. Lastly, the defense design for the region is always being scrutinized and altered to achieve maximum effectiveness for the defended assets. As such, I will be playing an active role in symposiums and briefings to discuss the effectiveness of the current setup, and how we can make it better.

We are currently in the "Do everything all at the same time" phase of unit preparedness. Crew certifications, Soldier readiness, equipment readiness....all somehow getting done concurrently.

The exact date is not known for our deployment, but for those in the know, I probably will miss the baby's birth this summer.

That's all the news for now....I'm sure there will be more to follow.

-D