Dad Was Right

All,

As promised, here is a reasonably amusing story for your reading pleasure.

Today we took a field trip into "the city" for some things related to our business (anything further than this would reveal things that I can't reveal). In multiple vehicles we set out, with me riding shotgun in the lead truck and our civilian translator driving, presumably because she is the driver most familiar with the layout of "the city."

SIDENOTE: My father, long ago, said that "Son...women drive and give directions based on landmarks and memory. This method often leads to driving for extended periods of time wherein you will find yourself wondering "where the #$*K am I?" Men, real men, use the age old method of "map reading." Look at the map, figure out the most direct way to get there in the fastest time, and execute. Whether you are Nick Cage trying to find the Declaration of Independence, or grandparents in a new town trying to find a wedding...you need a map." (I may have embellished a bit, but you get the idea).

No shit, there we were, driving around a city for 4 hours trying to find a destination that should have taken 30 minutes, tops. I was equipped with the latest google maps had to offer, and I took tactical control of the extremely capable GPS system located in the console of the SUV. I don't know a damn thing about the layout of that city, but throughout most of the trip, I knew we were going the wrong way. "No no...this is the way...I know this...." Look lady, THIS is what I know, you are going the wrong way.

SIDENOTE: Though extremely inefficient, it seemed to her to be the most expedient method to return to a point of known origin prior to attempting another daring thunder run to find the destination. To put it in mall terms; We tried to find American Eagle a number of times, but each time we couldn't find it, so we returned to the food court, got our bearings, and set out again. This is the antithesis of efficient.

Though this process was cumbersome, some good came of our frustrating endeavors. In the world, there are only 2 vending machines that dispense gold. That's right, I said gold. Put money in this machine, and out comes gold of various weight. The smallest amount you can purchase is 5 grams. At the current price of $1219, and with a troy ounce measuring 31 grams, that equates to just over $205. One of them is in the country where I am located, at the building I visited today. Google hard enough and my OPSEC is blown, but oh well. Pretty cool. I didn't buy any, but I would like to.

Cool as that was, it wasn't even remotely the place we needed to go, so we set out again to find the final destination, and subsequently our lunch location. By this time it had been close to 6 hours since I ate breakfast, and I was hungry. Stomach be damned, we did the exact same drill again trying to find the destination. It should have taken 20 minutes, but it took 3 hours. Unbelievable. We eventually made it, did what we had to do, and got some grub. Good grub. (baby, there will probably be a hit on the debit card for a little $$...I promise I didn't buy any gold...just had some lunch in one of the most expensive cities in the world.)

Anyways, the moral of the story is, if you ignore directions and drive around cities long enough, and sweet talk your way past perimeter security, and convince the unsuspecting valet that you are a big spender from Russia, then you will find gold!

Regards,

D

P.S. My wife is a wonderful driver and is excellent with directions.